i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
