Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
