Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
