So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
