omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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