could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
