Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
