id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
