Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
