Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
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And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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