No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
