like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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