listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
