I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
