how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
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Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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