even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize