I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
