Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Boobs are out for the taking
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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