Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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