i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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