well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
