JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
