my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
