just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
