we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
