walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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