we have pet lesbian snakes
I faked an abortion last night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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