I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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