I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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