Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
