Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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