Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
