I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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