shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize