apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
