He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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