she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
