we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Can I color on your dick again?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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