I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
