Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
