I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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