I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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