He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
