the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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