Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
