It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
