I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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