I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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