She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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