I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
