i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
