he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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