i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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