it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
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I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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