I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
is wine microwaveable?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
