Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
