My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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