His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
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So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
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You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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