it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
