we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
