why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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