I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
