Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
