I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
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omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
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I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize