Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
