I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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