no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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