so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
